The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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