are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
