Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
