There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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