One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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