when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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