bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
