Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
