How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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