Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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