i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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