Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
