i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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