id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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