Your face is a jimmy john
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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