im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
