thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
