They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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