my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
