THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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