Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
