i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
