My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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