you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
