I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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