Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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