he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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