Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
