Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
