I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
