I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
