hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
