Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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