She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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