She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
