You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
