are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
