It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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