I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
