Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
