God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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