That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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