hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
