If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize