I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
