There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
