This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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