my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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