You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
