So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
