Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
