i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize