Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
