They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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