So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
