considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
