I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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