I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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