Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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