i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
