I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
