i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
