Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
