the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
