pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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