Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.