when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
