do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
