Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
