Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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