do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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