I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
