She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
