oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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