He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
