Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
