Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
