my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
