I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
