I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
